Pegging. Not Only For Clothes Lines

October 24, 2018

Gee, pegging is popular these days isn’t it? Can’t open a sex blog or article without being told it’s the latest and greatest thing to do wit yo man. It’s all “Pegging Is The New Black” and “Bend Over And Take It Like A Man” and let’s not forget the inevitable disclaimer that it’s super totally not gay – not that there’s anything wrong with that – because for some reason in 2018 we’re still protecting straight men from the realities of the real world and reassuring them that they are still super tough masculine men even if they like it up the bum… But I digress… Pegging!

It’s pretty damn fun for both the pegger and the pegee but these blogs and articles, while they’re informative and encouraging, don’t really delve into the actual, and awkward, realities of the experience… So let your bluntly honest Aunty Felicity lay it all out for you; the good, the bad, and the pretty funny really.

First Things First

The equipment! Your essentials are a good, sturdy harness, a slim pegging dildo, lubricant (get a bucket of that shit, seriously), and probably a douche.

I say probably because, while it’s one of those things that every “first time anal play” advice column will recommend, for the most part they’re a little unnecessary and can be really quite awkward to use. You see, the thing is, if you have a healthy bowel, and regular bowel movements, in the times where you’re not pooing, or just about to poo… Your anal passage is mostly clean. This fear of streams of shit flowing out, or whatever it is you imagine happening is mostly unfounded, and the small amount of crap that can come with anal manipulation doesn’t really change whether you douche or not, so just keep some wet wipes close by to subtly wipe away whatever little bit might appear so you can get on with the job of getting the job done… But again I digress…

Re-Dick-Ulous

So you have your kit, and you’ve decided tonight is the night! You’ve dimmed the lights, put on your fave shagging playlist, and your man is all bent over and waiting… Time to put on the harness!

Shit, it’s twisted and the little adjustable clips are stuck. Tell your man to hang on… I’m just sorting it out… Fuck I’ve put my leg through the wrong bit… Sorry, dude, just hold it for a little sec more…. Maybe just play with yourself while I work this out… Hang on, sorry, I need to put the lights on and see where I’ve gone wrong… Ohhh that’s the leg bit, I get it now, okay almost ready…

Now if you have never worn a harness and dildo before I’m gonna straight up let you in on a little secret… It looks fucking hilarious. I’m not kidding. Catching a glimpse of yourself in the bedroom mirror all dicked up will give you pause for a moment while you take it all in… (sorry, man, I know you’re being all patient there on the bed, I’m nearly done) If you’re any sort of normal person you will look at this funny, sticking-out-cock-thing you’ve never had before and you’ll get an overwhelming urge to put your hand on it Michael Jackson style and thrust. Go on. Do it. Make the Ooh Ooh noise too. You will also find great amusement in doing that thing guys always do when they get out of the shower (or is it just my guys?) where they swing their hips side to side so their penis slaps back and forth against their thighs… Do that too. Look, if you can’t laugh at the ridiculousness of sex then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it at all… (Yes, babe, I haven’t forgotten about you… But you know how ridiculous boys are with their doodles, and I totally get it now!)

Okay, back to it, the lights are dimmed again, the playlist is Barry White-ing all over the place and your man is (still) waiting… Time for bucket ‘o’ Lube.

Generously drizzle it down his crack and use your finger to rub it along and in. If you’re weird about fingers in butts put on a glove or use a prostate toy or anal plug to slowly tease it into his passage. Don’t use numbing cream. It’s dangerous and doesn’t work as a lube anyway. In my opinion, the best range for anal sex is the Pjur Analyse Me range. There are both silicone and water-based versions as well as serums and stuff. It doesn’t numb, but it does relax and that’s ultimately what he will want. Relaxed but can still feel what’s happening.

Just The Tip

Make sure the dildo is also covered in lube and get ready to push it in… Now be prepared… This is the weird bit. No, I don’t mean fucking your man in the butt is weird, I mean the fact that you, as the pegger, will not be able to feel a thing is the weird bit.

Like, have you ever tried to scratch your head when you’re wearing a bike helmet? That odd sensation that you’re touching your head but you’re not actually touching your head…. That’s very close to the oddness of this. You can see it happening. You can feel your hips pushing it in… But you are also strangely detached from it all, in the closest way possible, and it can take a little getting used to. (If you’ve ever gotten frustrated at someone using a toy on you and not getting it quite right… Yeah. This is a great equaliser in that sense)

Now, because you can’t feel it this is the time where communication is key. You will have no idea how deep or tight or anything it really is so, while you’re just a beginner and working it all out, it is up to him to take the lead in guiding your depth and speed. Let him rock back and forth at first and find the rhythm he likes. Your main job is to hold the dildo steady for him to move on and try not to let it slip out (Note, this will happen. It will happen a bit. That’s because it’s all new to you both and you’re both equally as slippery and awkward as the other).

Especially for Him

For the first few times you experiment with pegging I think it’s important to make it all about him. Yes you can get harnesses that let you put a vibrator inside to stimulate your clit while you thrust, and there are the strapless ones that sit inside your vag so you have more sensation and skin to skin contact, but for first time goes I reckon they can be far too distracting. Imagine carefully first-time pegging your boyfriend at the speed and rhythm he’s enjoying until the little buzz in your pants starts to overtake you and before you know it you’re thrusting like Ron Jeremy on a speed bender forgetting the delicate virgin tushie in front of you and possibly damaging it for any further play, whether physically or psychologically. Just take it slow. Remember the first few times you had sex (either vaginal or anal). Remember the nerves and the involuntary clenching of certain muscles. Remember how much (if it was anything like mine and my friend’s first sexual experiences) you wished they’d known more about bodies and mutual pleasure and, you know, cared just a little bit more about the person attached to the hole… Be that person. Be the first-time-penetration-experience you wish you’d had, and trust me, even if you can’t feel it… Even if you’re not the one “getting off” at that particular moment… The noises and drools and inevitable monster orgasms your man will have will make you feel like a powerful sex Goddess with the world at her feet. And, when you think about it, isn’t that what almost every woman wants out of life?

Felicity Recommends

Harnesses and Dildos: Tantus Bend Over Kits (Beginner). They are comfortable, sturdy, and easy to wear, and they are made for pegging with slim, smooth, slightly curved, brightly coloured dildos that look nothing like penises. All Tantus dildos are made of premium medical grade silicone and will love you a long time.

Lube: Pjur Analyse Me and Pjur Back Door range. Silicone and Water-Based. Relaxing and cushioning but with no numbing properties or harsh chemicals. The Back Door range is more concentrated and better suited to anal sex. You can find them here in Lotions and Potions.

Douche: EZ Anal Douche by Adam and Eve. Curved, flexible neck, easy to detach and clean, and comes with a soft, easy to squeeze bulb and a flat base.

Artwork: Fetish Clothes Pin by Julian Murphy. julianmurphyart@hotmail.com